BONUS-SODE: Encylopedia Experteasia???

Published on: 14th February, 2024

The ExperTeam overcomes a personal crisis while creating an existential one.

After an extended break from recording, the Team is just barely able to record. Fortunately, in some layers of the multiverse, this problem has already been solved.

Much love and many thanks to announcer Moira Quirk.

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Danno: Clare, I'm dead serious about this.

Clare: Okay.

Danno: It's been weeks since you and I've been in the recording studio together, and I got to admit, I'm feeling tense. I'm feeling nervous. And I feel like I'm the one who's been responsible for the technological end of things. I don't know which buttons to push. I don't know what to do with my fingers.

I don't know what to do with my mouse. Can you talk me through this, please?

Clare: Yeah. Just first of all. Four seven eight, right? 4, 7, 8

Danno: Is that the security code to get in for recording? I hope. Cause we're not even recording at this point, Clare. We've been talking all this time --

Clare: and We don't have to record everything that we say or --

Danno: For God's sake. Clare, the point of a podcast is to record the sound that we're making. All right. 4

7, 8, 4, 7, 8,

Clare: No, that's a breathing pattern. That's --

Danno: Okay. Cause it's not doing anything on the keyboard.

Clare: No, no. What I mean, it's like you breathe in four, you breathe out seven and then there's something --

Danno: I can't breathe out more than I breathe in.

Clare: I think you'll find you can, Danno. Danno you're turning blue. You're literally turning

Danno: So just, I want to record Clare. I just want to record

Clare: And if there's a button that says


Danno: this. Mine says record. 7 4

Clare: you can't find the record

Danno: 4 7 8. So I'm punching, I'm punching this record button and nothing is happening. I'm getting fingerprints all over the screen.

Clare: no, no, you can't press it on the screen. You know what? I'm going to breathe for you. You go ahead and panic. Since that seems to feel natural for you in this moment and I'll


Danno: All right. So I've got a button that says record. I've got a button that says, hang up, which one? Which one. Clare?

Clare: Record record.

Danno: "CLICK." Uh, 3, 2, 1. We're recording!

Clare: You can tell when it makes the click word.

Danno: Alright. Alright. We're leveling out here. I think it's going to be okay.

Clare: Yeah. It's, you know what, Danno, having a panic attack coming back, I think this is good for our podcast listeners. It's absolutely normal to be afraid to, to get back in the saddle after being out for a little

Danno: It doesn't feel normal to me. And it doesn't feel good.

Clare: But, Danno, the beauty of not being normal is the normalization of what's not normal. And

this is the new normal for you.

Danno: This sort of panty, damp Danno?

Clare: I don't think we should talk about damp panties,

Danno: All right.

Clare: Okay. Okay.

Danno: I feel like I'm okay

on the technology, Clare. I feel okay now.

Clare, what if we had a book for our fans and listeners of all the different expertises that we've covered over the course of the program? I'm thinking of, um, what are some of the topics we've covered? The double breasted suit. The lighthouse. Can you think of any other topics?

Clare: I just drew a blank. I just drew a blank.

Danno: Hopscotch.

Clare: Yup.

Danno: John Denver.


Aspirin. Printing.

Clare: Wow. Did we do all that already?

Danno: That's like an encyclopedia of knowledge. If we could take all that knowledge and get it into one volume, what would we even call something that encyclopedic?

Clare: Oh, I think maybe, uh, Encyclotease.

Danno: This is really getting close to brilliant. If we can, if we can just hash this out and iron it out.

Also, we can verify our facts.

Danno: If we have our own book of reference, yes, all right.

So we'll call it the Expertise Book of Reference. And every time we refer to a fact, we can cite it in our own book.

Clare: You know, this is more like WikiTeasia.

Danno: Yes,

you know,that's crowdsourced. Anybody in the world can log into Wikipedia and update those entries with new, better knowledge. And I feel like we could do the same thing where either you or I could log in to update the incorrect information.

Clare: That is a living, breathing document of nonfactual nonsense.

Danno: So do you think we could create an entire false reality that would eventually take over the real reality by adding more and more to this volume of encyclopedic knowledge?

Clare: Danno, I just feel, I, I sort of blink at using the word false it's

Danno: alternative.


Clare: So our alternative reality.

Danno: So how does that work in the multiplex?

Clare: It's, you know, $30 a ticket and free


Danno: Okay. I didn't mean to say the multiplex. Uh, the multi-verse. Aren't there multiple infinite, multiple realities that any one of which could be true in any layer of the multiplex?

Clare: Yes. I mean, because the reality is that we are laying down absolutely must exist somewhere. Otherwise, how would we know ?

Danno: Well, I think what you've done, Clare is you've justified the existence of our entire podcast now, because to me it was a little comedy jackanapes sort of activity. But if it is the reality of one layer of the multiplex plus free popcorn, I feel like what we're doing is valuable historical reporting.

Clare: We are doing both historical and prophetic reporting on another reality. So we're not, we're not making up a fake facts. For someone, this is a weekly news report.

Danno: That's a fascinating idea that we're a news report. And it makes me wonder if we should put some dramatic news music before and after.

Clare: I think that's really important. I also, I think that we should make ourselves available on news channels in the podcast world. This is educational for another, for a different reality of the multiplex.

Danno: So we would make ourselves available in this reality for other podcasts or in other layers of the multiplex?

Clare: Well, I think we would make ourselves available in this reality,

Danno: That's going to be a lot easier to get bookings. You know, remember the famous golden disc that was sent into space? So there

was all that pop culture. Here's what earth is like information.

Clare: Right. If they had a golden

disc player

Danno: That's it. How in the world are they going to play a golden disc?

Clare: We should maybe include that in one of our podcasts. Instructions on how to play a golden

Danno: disc.Do you know some of the things that are on that golden disc?What I'm thinking is if we could reference some of those, because maybe beings from other dimensions have already found that golden.

disc, are familiar with the contents of that disc, and if we began referencing some of those, it would almost be a coded signal that, um, with you, man.

Clare: And there's some music.

Danno: Chuck Berry is on that disc. I think mozart or Chopin.

Clare: And also might be a little bit of nostalgia for them because in their time, you know, it might

be 200 years on.

Danno: Yeah. And those would be actual golden oldies.

Clare: I could tell you what I wish

Danno: What would you put on

it? Pat Benatar.

I know you love pat Benatar.

Clare: Pat Benatar, yes. Because it's one thing that they need to know is that love is a


Danno: I think a lot of alien beings simply would not understand that human perspective.

Clare: Yeah, cause they're probably all getting along and everything.

Danno: All right. Well, it seems like after several weeks of not doing any recording, we really don't have much to talk about.


Clare: Yeah.

Danno: thanks for talking to me down there. I was really, uh, sweating to the oldies.

Clare: There's nothing to be ashamed of having a weak mind and a weak constitution and the inability to, you know, when needed.

Danno: Well, that's the beauty of the internet. The stuff will last forever. People from all layers of the multi-verse will be able to look back and share my shame.

Clare: Right?

Danno: I wonder though , if shame would be, would be reconstrued in other levels as something proud and noble.

Clare: Oh gosh, that would, that'd be a shame. People walking around, you know, proud of pooping their pants. Is that one of the multiverses? Is that what you're saying? Is that what you just said? That there's a planet where people walk around proud of having poopy pants?

Danno: Hang on, Clare. Let me check Encyclopedia Expertesia. Yeah, it says here under P, poopy pants.

Yes. One layer of the multi-verse. This article is waiting to be fleshed out, but it looks like it is a real thing.

Clare: I do not want that to be fleshed out. That's for sure.

Danno: Well, between my poopy pants and your damp panties, I think we've got plenty to talk about this week.

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About the Podcast

Expertease - Knowledge, Not Comedy
The World's Most Expert Experts
Probing the depth and dumbth of topics so un-interesting, we can only change the subject almost immediately. Expert comedy writer, Clare Sera, and expert comedy writer, Danno Sullivan, bring their expertise to other, unrelated expertises.

About your hosts

Danno Sullivan

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Clare Sera

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