Episode 27

The HOW TO DRAW a CUTE DOG Expertease

Published on: 19th February, 2022

Expert Clare Sera will help you draw a cute dog -- but only if you help her GET OUT BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE. Interlocutor Danno Sullivan sketches questions with number 2 pencil and avoids the obvious poo joke.

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Danno: Ladies and gentlemen, our audience tonight is composed of third grade girls and Claire Sarah. Since you are an expert in how to draw a cute dog, we thought we could probe your area of expertise, you're listening to expertise spelled wrong the podcast where the world's most experts, experts discussed their areas of expertise, expertly expert, comedy writer, Claire Sarah and expert, comedy writer dan O'Sullivan bring their expertise to other unrelated expertise is ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls from around the world. Welcome to the expert podcast. I'm your host, dan O'Sullivan and my guest tonight is Claire Sarah who is an expert in how to draw a cute dog.

Clare: Claire. Thank you, danno. It

Danno: is a treat to have you here. You've brought some of your drawings with you, some of your art supplies and I know that Children and lovers of cute things from around the globe are tuning in to get some wisdom from someone like you who's done so much for this. Very specific niche of drawing a cute dog.

Clare: Thank you so much for having me. I am just thrilled to be able to spread the joy of cute art wherever I go. Whether that be a podcast where nobody can see it right, But we can talk about it. Yes, we absolutely can talk about it because you know what art is in the mind, The mind's eye draws with the minds hand and the minds paint and some minor art supplies with also some minds paper

Danno: does your mind do the shopping for

Clare: you. I don't mind,

Danno: you have a motto emblazoned on the home page of your website. It's art. If the artist says it is now, I took that to mean that a lot of the stuff that you've done has been labeled not art by other people.

Clare: Well actually don't know. The truth of that model comes from a slight error from the printer. It was supposed to say art for art's sake and it said art for art's says. And so I just went with it. It's art if art says it is now art is the landlord of my building.

Danno: So art has a lot of say so because if you don't sell the art, art doesn't get the dough.

Clare: That's right. So arte decides

Danno: clear. You mentioned that you had your website printed. Is that something that only artists do or is that something anyone can have done?

Clare: Well anyone can be an artist dana. Which is my motto for all of life.

Danno: Now I'm sorry, I just have to interject one more time. Motto is a very artistic way of pronouncing what most people would say is motto. Do you do things like that for the artistic effect?

Clare: I do things like that because my landlord has asked me to pronounce things with a slight crook.

Danno: So this seems like just a poisonous relationship where your landlord is expecting much more from you than just rent.

Clare: Well, dana. My landlord is expecting art and that is why I make him the the lord of my land because that is who I want to serve an art demanding maestro. And I don't know if you've ever seen a picture of art. Nobody had

Danno: your your landlord art himself. Yeah. There's no art of art. No. Which is what could be another motto.

Clare: It could be a motto. But let's let's get back to why you asked me here, not because of my

Danno: lifestyle. Yeah, it's interesting. But yes, mostly it seems to be third grade girls that enjoy your cute dogs and are curious about how to draw a cute dogs. So we don't want to delve into the sort of seamy underbelly of the art world in both senses of the

Clare: art. Right? And there's only so much I can talk about before. Art will um, step in and put the kibosh or kibosh on this. Can I

Danno: just ask real quickly? I noticed that you're chained to a radiator. Is that by choice? Or is that some sort of part of the relationship with art that can we help you in any way? Can we get

Clare: you out of there? You know this? No, no, no. This is why I am being a piece of

Danno: art. So this is an installation.

Clare: This is I am being a piece of art. The piece of art that heats his upstairs unit, which means I need to be by the radiator. Is that some sort of slaying

Danno: his upstairs unit.

Clare: I would rather not address that aspect while we're talking about my third grade dropout for girls.

Danno: They're all I'm saying is if you are in any danger, please give me the sign. And I know what to do.

Clare: The only danger I am in is of not creating art. That is. I live to not ever not create art now. Is that the sign? I am a woman of my own mind and I am freely chained and I am freely enthralled to art.

Danno: Okay. It looks to me like you're reading that clear

Clare: channel. I would really like to talk about my cute dog drawings.

Danno: Alright, ready to go now if you don't mind talking slowly because I'm going to check your eye blinks for code. But let's talk about Yes, you're cute dogs, claire. Yes. A lot of people who are interested in learning to draw cute dogs are not quite sure where to start. What would be the very first steps.

Clare: Well, I am against folks who say art must be made with paint or ink or pencil. I really feel that we could get back to our art roots by using some, you know, using organic materials. Anything that will make a mark. And I'm talking Excuse me, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just came too far away from the radiator. I'm just gonna scooch back a second. That's that was on me. That was on me. All

Danno: right. And by the way, you seem very relaxed and comfortable right now for our listeners at home. Art is not visible in the

Clare: background. Well, I mean there's some drawings of cute dogs that I would say is so I really love to direct my girls to what's in the fridge. Blueberries. Well my goodness. Is that going to create a lovely purple markings? And

Danno: hang on. Are you telling me that a third grade girl can create art A. R. T. Art from Just something they find in the fridge? What about

Clare: ketchup? That is exactly what would be a beautiful beautiful drawing. Especially of a girl who is really afraid of her parents who perhaps um have dangerous weapons around their house. You start with some ketchup. You make a draw and you can get social services there within a day. All

Danno: right, Claire this is starting to sound serious again. Is there anything I can do to help you?

Clare: And I am perfectly in my own skin at this moment. Making choices. My agency is in full effect.

Danno: All right, Claire I'm going to take you at your word on this. But please if you need any help give me the signal.

Clare: So dana once the girls have their paint supplies and I say that with I would say it with air quotes but one of my hands is behind my back. Yeah. But then they have a surface. Say it's their linoleum floor. Say it's a clear wall in their room. A wall. Now

Danno: person could use paper for this. Right,

Clare: Well they if they have access to paper if they have access to paper, but

Danno: and someone is keeping you from the paper is what I'm here.

Clare: If someone is keeping you from the paper, what you don't, that doesn't have to stop you. That doesn't have to keep you from your

Danno: art. So whatever your personal circumstances are, whatever you're chained to, whatever person might be keeping you from ever leaving the studio,

Clare: right?

Danno: You can still do are

Clare: Exactly. And that is the point. So now you take, I tell, I tell my girls it's like, okay, you take your little bowl of gravy and then use whatever you can use as it could be a finger. It could be a straw. I mean it could be a paintbrush if you're if you're in a fancy house and we are going to draw a cute dog. I mean now you're

Danno: really getting to the nub of things right now, I think it's everyone loves dogs of course. But there's something super special about a cute

Clare: Yes. You know, a signature part of cute dog puppy dog eyes. That's what we're talking. That's what everyone is just like

Danno: Yeah, this big happy

Clare: oversized, you know, in reality oversized. I like to make the eyes of the puppy dog obscure the ears. They are so big, You know, like the ears

Danno: of those big guys calling out plaintively

Clare: eyes pleading from the page, Whatever that may be

Danno: like I need a home. I need safety.

Clare: Right? Get me off this leash. That's that is part of the cuteness. There's nothing cuter than something innocent that has been harnessed.

Danno: Claire. You mentioned the how important the curved lines are getting a really cute puppy dog. And I can see on the wall behind you there it looks like an art piece may be made with ketchup, grease and gravy. I'm not sure with more curvy lines and it does not. I'm seeing it's almost like a snake and maybe an owl or two snakes. Like or maybe even letters like S. O.

Clare: You know, dana. Isn't that fun? Isn't that fun about art? You know, So it looks

Danno: like S. O. S. But it's something else altogether.

Clare: Well, what you see and what I see might be two entirely different things. Well, you see S. O. S. I'm chained to a radiator. Please God, somebody call social services. I see very cute owl. And that's where, you know, I stick to dogs for the third graders. But for some of my older students, I see a very cute owl crying. Art is the best art is for everyone.

Danno: That's nice. I see how you can they say that Art speaks to the soul. Yes. And you're literally having it speak that way?

Clare: Yes, that's right, yes. Art speaks to me every night. Oh, about midnight. Art tells me who I am and how lucky I am to be where I am.

Danno: So I think a lot of the Children listeners could really appreciate a message like

Clare: that. Yes, I think everyone is in a way and could be should be. I don't like to show people that's bullshit. But I think that everyone has the potential to be enthralled to. Art. Enthralled to art. Yeah. Art's servant and art. I feel like art is asking me right now to say, you know, um if you are feeble of mind come to 16 East Second Avenue, tell them that art sent you.

Danno: Alright. That's for all our feeble of mind listeners. I wonder if it worries art at all that the those who are feeble of mind would not probably respond to a message addressed to the feeble.

Clare: But isn't that beautiful? Art just is you know, art is not going to overthink it's statements art is going to put it out there. Art is going to let you interpret. You know, is this illegal? Is this bad, Is this immoral art doesn't judge art does. And then you judge.

Danno: I think a lot of Children get started with drawing cute things by doing a thanksgiving turkey. Just drawing around the fingers of the hand.

Clare: Yeah. Isn't that just the cutest thing?

Danno: It really is. And then you can add some feathers or a little beak a little eye to make it look more realistic and I use the word realistic loosely I guess because when I see those drawings honestly clear, I don't find them cute. I find them frightening. I find them kind of horrific. And I imagine a real turkey that looks like those hand drawings and it's the stuff of nightmares.

Clare: Yeah. You know that's why I feel like my very first show was at Arts Gallery. Little did I know that I would never be leaving that gallery ever again. But when I was told to come to the art gallery and put up your cute paintings of these dogs. Well, it's a thrill for an artist. Your first, your first showing. Sure your first drawings are your first love and to draw a cute dog comes from a place in a little girl that is all potential. The ears are what she is going to hear for the rest of her life. The for is how she will protect herself from the male gaze. The tail is what will wag the dog unless she gets the hell out of art studio before. It's too late.

Danno: Claire you're blinking again. You're blinking.

Clare: No, just it's just an allergy. It's just an allergy. Are you

Danno: sure if we have any morse code specialists who can interpret eye blinks? Please get on the line

Clare: with just I do feel like I've given you the address.

Danno: Oh that's right. I didn't even piece it together.

Clare: Can I help you?

Danno: Yes, I'd like to report an imprisoned artist At 26 26 2nd Avenue.

Clare: Are you talking about the art gallery? Yeah,

Danno: I think she desperately needs help. She seems to be chained to a radiator and forced to draw cute puppies against her will.

Clare: You're being coerced into being part of a art everywhere, improv troupe.

Danno: Hang on, click by. Um if you'd like to make a call,

Clare: you haven't hung up on your side. I can hear it over the podcast. What? I'm sorry. I didn't seem like you went over to another line, but I could hear that you hadn't hung up properly. So are you coming down or are you coming to save me?

Danno: Oh no, I'm not walking into this little Sharon.

Clare: Wait, what?

Danno: I realize what's going on here. You're going to get me down there. And all of a sudden a bunch of artists and funny clothes are going to pop out and start tracing around my hand to make turkey prints.

Clare: Oh no. I have a whole class of third grade girls here who have been watching me deliver this podcast chained to a radiator just for fun to talk you into coming down here and pinning you down and tracing you over.

Danno: So, your art project is not drawing cute dogs. Your art project is coaxing strangers into a house on Second

Clare: Avenue caught busted ladies

home. My personal address is:

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About the Podcast

Expertease - Knowledge, Not Comedy
The World's Most Expert Experts
Probing the depth and dumbth of topics so un-interesting, we can only change the subject almost immediately. Expert comedy writer, Clare Sera, and expert comedy writer, Danno Sullivan, bring their expertise to other, unrelated expertises.

About your hosts

Danno Sullivan

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Clare Sera

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